Addressing Loneliness and Finding Belonging During the Advent and Christmas Season

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:00:02]:

The world is often discouraging. If you're the type of person who wants to do something about that state of affairs, then you're in the right place. Welcome to To Be Encouraged with Bishop Julius C. Trimble. Bishop Trimble's mission is to encourage 2 million people to reach their highest potential. This is the place for inspiring stories, expert conversations, and deep dives into social justice, theology and the environment. Let's address life's challenges together in the light of Christ's unending love. Visit our website tobeencouraged.com for more.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:00:53]:

Now the time is at hand to Be encouraged with Bishop Julius C. Trimble.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:01:02]:

And hello good people.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:01:03]:

Welcome to the To Be Encouraged podcast with Bishop Julius C. Trimble. This is the podcast where we look to offer an encouraging word in an often discouraged world. I'm your co host, Reverend Dr. Brad Miller, and today Bishop Trimble. We are, we are recording our time here in. During the Advent season and Advent season, Christmas season is also a time of. It's always a time of celebration and good things, wonderful things.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:01:35]:

But it also is a time for a lot of people to experience.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:01:40]:

Depression, loneliness, other difficult things of a kind of emotional, mental health variety. And I think you got some thoughts about that there today, do you not? But first of all, hello and greetings and happy Advent to you, my friend. How, how are you doing?

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:01:56]:

Well, thank you, Brad. It. It is well with my soul and I hope it's well with yours. And, and for those of us, for those who will benefit from this podcast, I hope it is well with your soul. Advent is for those of us who are Christian, is a season of, of preparation and anticipation leading up to the birth of Christ. And we focus on things like what does it mean really to bear our souls and to make ourselves vulnerable and to focus on centering ourselves on the promise that is to be delivered in the birth of Jesus Christ. So it's often a season of preparation and celebrations, but for many people, it's also a season of grief because you remember the people that have lost or people that are no longer with you during that time. And it's often one of the greatest seasons of great loneliness.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:02:53]:

One of the things I wanted to talk about, Philip, was how Advent and the church and those of us who embrace the ministry of encouragement can really serve as an antidote, an instrument of God's peace and an antidote to loneliness by creating, creating more community.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:03:15]:

Well, I know, Bishop, you've been in ministry a long time and involved with local church work and administrative duties, and now you have Responsibilities really around the world in many ways regarding what you do in the church. But can you describe a time when you either seen or experienced perhaps even a little bit of loneliness or what they sometimes call the Christmas time blues? Have you seen that in other people, for instance, or. And how's it been manifested?

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:03:45]:

Well, I've seen it and like most of us, at some point we'll get a chance to experience it. I can think many, many years ago when I was a college student and my mother called to tell me my grandmother had passed away. Okay. And she said, you know, it was really no need for me to try to come home.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:04:04]:

But I remember just feeling a terrible sense, and this is decades ago as a teenager feeling a terrible sense of, you know, you know, who do I share this with? I didn't even share it with my college roommate or my buddies in college. I spent some time just really feeling like, wow, this is what it's like.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:04:28]:

To lose a grandparent that you loved. And there have been other times that even though through ministry you're around a lot of people.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:04:39]:

You notice that people can be with people but also experience a deep sense of loneliness. And Brad, be quite honest. I believe that sometimes scripture platitudes is not just good enough.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:04:52]:

Yeah, well, absolutely. We need to be more, be more involved with that. I think it's really, Bishop, this is a more common experience a lot of people want to let on because, you know, it is the season of good cheer and so on and you know, Santa Claus and presents and at meals and family gatherings. That's all good, good stuff. But almost everybody has some sort of a story, sort of like what you just shared there about how loneliness or some blues crept into our life. A very quick one for me is I was found myself in Chicago, your hometown, one Christmas day and the Christmas and the evening of Christmas Day, like 10 o'. Clock. Any, a long story short, very long story, very short.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:05:35]:

I found myself stuck in a traffic jam in downtown Chicago on Christmas day for about 6.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:05:41]:

From about 4 in the afternoon to about midnight. I was stuck sitting still in traffic because of there was a car on fire and things like this. Well, I remember feeling very lonely on Christmas Day. I'm thinking this is my way of spending Christmas in a traffic jam in jam in downtown Chicago and feeling very sorry for myself and I had to get out of that. And I think this is kind of some way another a common experience. And yet I think, you know, you said scripture's not enough to only because we need to be. I think this application of scripture is part of what we're talking about here. But tell me some thoughts or strategies or what's going through your mind about.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:06:20]:

You've described oftentimes loneliness as being basically an epidemic, and I certainly affirm that. I believe loneliness is an epidemic in our world now. But how can we kind of apply the message of the Advent Christmas season to this epidemic of loneliness?

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:06:38]:

Well, I think it's good to understand that. I would argue that one of the great promise and great themes of the Scriptures from the Old to the New Testament is God's promise that God would always be with us. Now, loneliness may magnify the feeling. It doesn't feel like God is with us or anybody else is around us. God promise still exists in Advent is a season where we actually prepare ourselves to focus on the. The completion, if you will, or the delivery on that promise. You know, that's when. When the Word becomes flesh and dwells among us in the.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:07:17]:

In a baby called Jesus Christ. Scriptures from the Old to the New Testament. You know, I will not leave you as an orphan. Psalm says, you know, the Lord is it the. The Lord is close to those who seek him. Psalm 139 where shall I go? Where shall I flee from your presence? For wherever I go, God is present with us. You know, Deuteronomy and Hebrews never. God promises never to leave us nor forsake us.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:07:45]:

So we may say that the Lord is our helper and I will not fear. But. But my argument, Brad, is that these scriptures are true. But so. But though that could be true at the same time people are feeling terribly alone that with the absence of community the church has an opportunity yes to. To create opportunities to worship special worship services and invitation to gathered meals and for people to take their own witness serious enough to invite. My, my. My youngest son made a. Belonging.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:08:21]:

Let us know that during Thanksgiving he got an email from neighbors who live down the road from him, who invited him surprisingly to him.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:08:32]:

Wow.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:08:33]:

To a Thanksgiving meal. And so that's one of the things we can do to really address it. How do we invite people in? Because in the current environment, political, geopolitical environment, everybody seems so polarized.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:08:48]:

Oh yes.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:08:49]:

We don't want to invite anybody close to us and we want to keep on.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:08:55]:

People have chosen in many cases to be isolated in their own silos or things of that nature and are avoiding.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:09:04]:

Interacting with other folks who are unlike them in some.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:09:11]:

Regard. But you know what, Bishop? I really am convinced see what you think that still something about the Advent Christmas season gives people a hunger to reach out and to be connected in some way. I think it's evidenced in that even now, in the time when many churches kind of struggle with attendance and finances and all kinds of other things, still, Christmas Eve and the season around Christmas is when people come to church, don't they? You know, the Christmas Eve service particularly, I'm thinking of, churches are generally, you know, close to full or very much full or multiple services, things of this nature. I know the church I attend usually has about 50 people on any given Sunday morning, and it's about 150, 200 there on Christmas Eve. So that tells me there's something going on. People are hungry to get reconnected at Christmas. Do you believe that's the case?

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:10:03]:

I believe absolutely. In fact, my wife and I, we were talking just the other day because our son, one of our sons, is going to be with us for Christmas. And we were saying, you know, where do we want to go for Christmas Eve? Candlelight service.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:10:16]:

Right.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:10:16]:

Because it's such a rich tradition. But even for those who. Who may not even have a church home, Advent really is a season that shifts the focus on what we lack, what we may not have in our own personal experience, to what's called communal hope. So the Advent season is a time for the community to look forward to a promise that God has made. And I think we ought to make a promise to ourselves and to our communities, number one, to magnify kindness.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:10:50]:

Hmm. Yes.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:10:52]:

We don't wait for people to come to us, to our churches, for us to bring the season of Advent and the presence of Christ to them.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:11:02]:

And that needs to be very practical, that needs to be very practical. Manners too. Don't you think so, Bishop? Very practical. Not just thoughts and prayers, but actually, you know, for instance, my church has a time when we go to a central location and we pick up packages to take to needy folks. Other things of that nature. Don't you think so to be tangibly do something.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:11:22]:

Absolutely, yeah. You can decide.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:11:26]:

They say one of the greatest antidotes to loneliness is service.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:11:30]:

Yes.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:11:30]:

If you, if you choose to. If you choose to engage in service, acts of mercy, acts of grace, acts of justice, then you. You that can be somewhat of an antidote to your own loneliness. Society has been moving in this direction for some time, and some would say even two decades. There was a book written, two books, one I know you're familiar with. I think you told me about it. But one of the books was written in 1995 entitled Heat Wave: A Social Autopsy of the Hot Summer in Chicago.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:12:06]:

Okay.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:12:07]:

In fact, we lived in Cleveland, Ohio at the time. But I was very interested because I'm from Chicago. 700. 700 people died in Chicago. Yeah, it was hot all over the country in many places, right? It was, but it was extremely hot. And the author did a social autopsy, basically. Brad, you know what he found out that many people, many older senior citizens died because of loneliness. No one checked.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:12:39]:

They didn't have a church community. They weren't part of a senior center.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:12:43]:

Yeah.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:12:44]:

...about this book or maybe now I can't remember. In 2000, Robert Putnam wrote a book entitled Bowling Alone. Remember that?

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:13:07]:

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bowling Alone. Yeah.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:13:10]:

And he basically. That was that. Basically he was saying, you know, while more people were bowling, more people were actually bowling. Not necessarily in leagues, but bowling by themselves. And it really talked about how we were experiencing life more.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:13:27]:

By ourselves as a.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:13:30]:

...one quick story about that, that. That Bowling Alone sort of a thing there. My wife used to work in downtown Indianapolis and commuted on the city bus from where we live about 15 miles away oftentimes. And one time I rode the bus down there just to.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:14:00]:

Because of some car issues. I rode the bus down there to pick her up and to. Or I took the car down there to her and then had rode the bus home to. For me. So that was one of the few times I'd ridden the bus in a long, long, long time. I found sitting next to a guy who rode the bus.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:14:20]:

...where do you ride the bus to? I says, well, I'm not really going anywhere. I just go and just ride it all day long. And I thought, because described his loneliness a little bit, but I had that in mind about.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:14:42]:

You talk about Bowling Alone. So we were just riding the bus or doing other things just to pass the time because they have nothing else to do. And I just think that's going on all the time. And my goodness, if the church, you know, isn't the church called. Aren't Christians called to connect up with the lonely? Are we not?

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:15:02]:

Yes, we. Yeah, we often call. Yet some people say, well, we really want to take time to be faithful to Matthew 25. Feed. I said, feed it. We can't feed the hungry and clothe the naked.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:15:16]:

Unless we're willing to dress the lonely. Yes. And I really appreciate, as a church in Indianapolis, when I first came to Indiana, where they serve meals, but they only serve meals if the volunteers. You can't volunteer unless you're willing to eat with the people.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:15:36]:

Oh, yeah. Interesting.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:15:38]:

And so when I was first come, I first came as a bishop and we went there and they said, we will be serving, but you. You will serve and. And eat with the people that we are serving. And so it was. It was. It was. It was a tremendous experience because it reminded me, while I have a family and extended family and friends, us, you know, kind of concentric circles of support or at least affiliation or.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:16:08]:

That there's so many people, Brad, that have no one. And that's why I believe that that commandment to love God and love neighbor is so powerful and so important, and we really, really have to extend ourselves. And I would just say it, and I'm preaching to myself, and to.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:16:28]:

...to make a difference for Christians to make a difference for people who really care for others of whatever faith they are, to make a difference. Philip Amerson.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:16:36]:

Some semblance of Belonging and community. And we can extend that.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:16:41]:

Well, if we want to extrapolate and apply the biblical nativity story, the Christmas story, to this here.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:16:50]:

Mary and Joseph were, you know, not accepted. There was no room at the end, so they were put out. Even the shepherds were ostracized in many ways, the whole story there. The wise men came from the east because they had to get away from other forces that. Or they had to get away from other forces that were going to attack them. People were ostracized and cast out. And yet this is a story of the stranger and being welcomed and coming into our midst and changing everything. And so I just think, my goodness, what a great story, what a great time, and what an opportunity when people are open to this, for the church to make a difference, for Christians to make a difference for people who really care for others of whatever faith they are, to make a difference.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:17:36]:

Because loneliness kills. It does.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:17:40]:

Yeah. I would say if you have a church that, you know, it's really good at welcoming, then. Then take it upon yourself to be an ambassador for that church. Now, if you have a church you're not so sure how, how welcoming you are, don't go out advertising.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:17:57]:

That might be even more. We might be adding more salt to an open wound. And I say this.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:18:02]:

Yeah, seriously. Well, unfortunately, it's okay.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:18:05]:

We don't want to invite people to experiences that won't be uplifting or won't want the.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:18:13]:

Value adding to their lives.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:18:16]:

Well, in an age of many people who portray themselves as Christians and yet are more Christian nationalist type of leaning, there's agendas there that are not really based on the true sense of Grace and welcoming that is pretty foundational to Christianity. And if you point people towards those places, they may experience a toxic form of the Christian experience which is not helpful and can be further ostracizing. So I think that even the more important that those churches and those Christians and those pastors and leaders who have a sense of the Grace and the welcoming of the stranger and those who are immigrants and others who are ostracized, the others, whatever they are, that they, they are us and we are them.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:18:25]:

More Christian nationalist type of leaning, there's agendas there that are not really based on the true sense of grace and welcoming that is pretty foundational to Christianity. And if you point people towards those places, they may experience a toxic form of the Christian experience which is not helpful and can be further ostracizing. So I think that even the more important that those churches and those Christians and those pastors and leaders who have a sense of the grace and the welcoming of the stranger and those who are immigrants and others who are ostracized, the others, whatever they are, that they, they are us and we are them.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:19:06]:

I want to make a promise to those who will hear this podcast. One of the things I'm going to be doing this Advent is lighting candles, which is not uncommon in our household.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:19:17]:

Right.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:19:18]:

Big thing. Not just the Advent candles, but lighting a candle. And one of the things I remember traveling to the Holy land of Jesus and going into Belonging.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:19:30]:

Several sanctuaries where there was an opportunity, whether it was an orthodox or an open church, to light candles. And I felt a strong sense of community because I saw other people. There was no speaking, there was no exchange, but there were multiple people coming and going. And you could be quite close to someone or follow someone who, who also was lighting a candle and then to light a candle. So I like candles to think of the many others who may need to know how much God truly, truly loves them. And this is a season to do that.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:20:10]:

Indeed. Indeed. And that the light, you know, lighting the candles are just symbolic of bringing light and warmth and energy into places that are dark and dreary and lack energy. And that we are called as Christians to do just that, bring light to a dark world and to do that. And I think it's interesting and a beautiful thing when there are tragedies and people lose life and so on, that oftentimes things like candles are lit and other things like ribbons, colorful ribbons or teddy bears, any number of other symbols that are brought forth to provide comfort and illumination, where there's loneliness and darkness. And we can do that because we're called to be encouragers, aren't we? That's your theme, right? To be an encourager.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:21:01]:

Well, to be encouraging. And, you know, during Advent, you know, we, we in the Christian church and many, many denominations practice the lighting of the Advent candles for each week. You know, hope, peace, joy and love. And those are things that, whether you are a believer or not, you know, you probably wouldn't argue that that would really benefit you and benefit us as community. To add, to magnify hope, to magnify peace, to experience joy and to know that you are loved and to love others. So when we light those candles, those Advent candles, we are also making a commitment to magnify those very principles.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:21:44]:

Yeah, that is awesome to do those things there. Well, let's kind of bring us around to this, Bishop. You are in a position where you've often been an encourager to pastors and church leaders around the world. I know you have in a position now where you have lots of connections there. And so you see, there's a special kind of.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:22:07]:

Disconnection and loneliness sometimes that clergy and other people go through that are in leadership and positions. So what would be your encouragement as a bishop of the church and a leader in the Worldwide United Methodist Church? What would be your encouragement to clergy or other leaders who are trying to be encouragers, to others who follow the gospel, if you see what I'm talking about, but, you know, need to be built up a little bit themselves, to be fed a little bit themselves. What would be a way that you can encourage those folks as we end this Advent Christmas season?

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:22:41]:

You know, sometimes when the snow comes, if you get too much snow, you can get stuck in the snow and you can try a little harder. The winds, the wind, the wheels spin and you can pull yourself out of the snow. But sometimes you can actually find yourself in a ditch. And if you're in a ditch and I've been in a ditch before, I've been. Been stranded before, or I've had a car that wouldn't start because of a battery, you know what you do? You have to call for help. You call for Exchange. Yeah, you call for. Call for help.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:23:16]:

And I say that, I use that as a metaphor to say if you find yourself stuck in a just a little bit of snow, sometimes prayer and a phone call to a friend or calling someone who you can trust or family member can get you out. But sometimes you might find yourself in a deeper ditch when you really need to get a Therapist or a counselor, and I've used both. I've benefited from both.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:23:44]:

Sometimes I've been able to just, you know, pray my way through something. But I think most, on most occasions that I can now look back and celebrate. It's been because of others. It's been being part of a larger community where others can see. Everybody doesn't really understand what pastors go through, Philip, you and I do.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:24:04]:

Yeah.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:24:04]:

Or everybody doesn't understand what. Sometimes people who are supposed to be have faith can find themselves in a ditch, find themselves in a valley. And because people are expecting, because you're, you're quote unquote, a Christian or you believe, you know, why don't you just pray your way out of this or right on a happy, put on a happy face. But sometimes you can't put on a happy face because you're not happy.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:24:30]:

There you go.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:24:31]:

But I joke around with one, a couple of my buddies and I say, you know, they say, how you doing? Julie's I said, I will say something. I said, well, I'm not in a ditch today.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:24:43]:

Had you called me a few days ago, I may needed you to pull me up out of this ditch. But I would say we need to take away the stigma. Brad, seriously.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:24:54]:

From the needed help, whether it's diagnosed depression or not. Sometimes it's not diagnosed depression, but it's a sense of loneliness or frustration or how do you measure whether you're making a difference? And I want to say to those who are in the ministry to say you are making a difference because God called you to be faithful and that if you find yourself in the ditch after you pray just a little bit, reach out for help.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:25:24]:

Well, I love what you said there about overcoming the stigma. You know, sometimes there's this image that.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:25:32]:

Clergy or church leaders sometimes have it together and oftentimes we just simply don't have it together. It may appear that way. And so we don't need to be too proud to not reach out to be some practical help. We need it all, don't we? We need scripture, we need prayer, we need friends, family, and sometimes we need professional help and others as well. And I know that you're a resource for that and I think that I know that I can offer myself as a resource for that too. And we can point people towards help if they want to do that. And they can reach out to us through your website to be encouraged.com and people can be in contact with us there. Well, my friend, any other closing comments you might want to make either from Your scriptures, your prayer life, personal experiences, or anything regarding this topic we've been talking about here today, about Advent, Christmas and loneliness.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:26:27]:

But I want to say that the church has a tremendous opportunity. I say the church writ large with a capital C, not any specific denomination, but those who profess to be the follower, the one who will come on Christmas, the baby that changes everything. We can make a big difference. And we can make it not just by inviting people to come to where we are, but by being the church, wherever we are. And to those who don't have a spiritual home, I will say God loves you in a very special way. I find it my ministry and I really appreciate you, Brad, helping us do this. Helping me do this to encourage all people with the love of Jesus Christ, not only to rise to your highest potential, but to know that you are loved and that you matter. I saw someone with a shirt in the airport not long ago and I really love the shirt.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:27:18]:

The shirt simply said, I am enough.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:27:21]:

Yes, well, I love that. And what a great place for us to stop there. That you are loved.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:27:25]:

You matter.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:27:26]:

And I am enough. I love that. And so you're always an encourager, Bishop Trimble, and I appreciate you encouraging me and our good folks who are good listeners here. The To Be Encouraged podcast. And we thank you for being that. And we wish you a blessed holiday season to you and your family. And we look to hearing much more from you in this holiday season and other times as, as well as we embark before too long in a new year and how we can continue to carry out your mission of.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:27:57]:

Helping people to be encouraged. What is. Do you want to encourage like 2 million people? Is that what it is? I Forget.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:28:03]:

Oh yeah. 2 million people. And I'm echoing the words of my mother who passed away in 2025 this year. Peace and love. And I'll sign off with that.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:28:13]:

Peace and love. Peace and love. Well, thank you for sharing. Here today. You've been listening to the To Be Encouraged podcast with Bishop Julius C. Trimble. I'm your co host, Reverend Dr. Brad Miller.

Rev. Dr. Brad Miller [00:28:25]:

This is the podcast where we offer an encouraging word to an often discouraged world.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:28:33]:

Consider yourself encouraged and appreciated for listening to To Be Encouraged with Bishop Julius C. Trimble. You are now a part of Bishop Trimble's mission of encouraging 2 million people to reach their highest potential. Please do your part and encourage people in your life to go to tobeencouraged.com and follow, rate, and review the show. When you do that, you're helping to bring an encouraging word to a discouraged world. Remember to listen next time to To Be Encouraged. And never forget, God loves you.

Bishop Julius C. Trimble [00:29:19]:

And there's nothing you can do about that.